I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
