nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
