Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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