We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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