yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
