I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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