I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
