fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
