I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
