i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
