so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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