You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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