The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
