I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
