LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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