we have pet lesbian snakes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
