I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
