just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
