I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
