Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
