there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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