he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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