last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
