omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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