the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You may now shotgun with the bride
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
