You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
