I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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