i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
