wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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