I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
