TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
