thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
