My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
