I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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