if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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