U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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