I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
