Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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