my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
