I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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