she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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