I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
