i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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