apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
