i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
