i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
