He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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