I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
