Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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