i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
