guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
