I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
