we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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